BOTTOM OF THE POND

Have you ever been swimming and you reach for the bottom of the pool or pond and you just can’t quite touch it, and you know it is only inches if that far from your outstretched big toe? That is what my life was like last week.

What I was reaching for metaphorically was what part of me that I could not see when I get in my stuff. When I am in the middle of being triggered, it is sometimes so hard for me to see what my part is. It is easy to see other people’s parts and it is even easy to see what they need to fix so that whatever piece I am going through them will stop. The closer the person is to me, the harder it is for me to see clearly what is going on with me.

In doing my emotional work over these last years, it is my belief that if I get triggered, angry, scared, or some emotion is evoked, it is always a reflection of what is going on with me. That is not to say that the other person(s) involved is not guilty of doing what I think they are doing……….they just do not have the power to evoke the emotion in me…..only I can do that.

The process I have learned to do when I get triggered is to breathe and to turn the mirror on myself. A good starting spot is to see what the other person is doing and see if that is something in my life I need to look at it…..or interestingly enough it might be the opposite. Shadow works in interesting and different ways. I have also learned to reach out to my support and to ask them to help guide me to where I can see what part of me is triggered. Without my support, I would never be able to see the parts of me that I have become so good at repressing and hiding.

As you know I love metaphors and analogies, so if you can imagine reaching for that bottom that you know is only inches away from your outstretched toe with your nose just barely above water and you are treading to stay afloat with feelings of fear and anger and all of a sudden you look up on shore and there is a friend, or two, all pointing to a spot in the pond. You look over and right next to you is a swell at the bottom of the pond, only inches from your feet…….one step and you are on solid ground. Thanks to all of you who support me.